You Will Never Be this Loved Again...

I took a trip down my memory blog lane a few nights ago and got really sad. I'm talking full on depression. Like the kind where I can't get out of bed and eat everything in sight and cry for no reason.  I've  had this sneaky suspicion that my kids and my baby boy were growing up but I didn't realize it had already happened. They are all little adults and ready to flee the nest or something like that. Just typing this is putting me into a full blown panic! How is this happening so fast? If the first 10 years have gone by this fast the next 10 will probably go faster.

I'm scared. What am I going to do about this? My baby Henry is turning 5! Kindergarten in the fall! Emma starts high school in the fall! Iza starts 6th grade! Lucy is 8 and baptized! The next thing I know I'll be an empty nester all alone. I'll probably become a hoarder with boxes of memorabilia and strange things I find on the side of the road. I'll have to live in towers of junk so I don't feel all alone.

I read this the other day and it is just how I feel about things right now. I literally stopped to catch my breath and hold back tears.

You will never be this loved again. So on those days you are feeling stressed out, touched out, depleted, just remember you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love.

I'm choosing now to reclaim my kids and love them better. I'm losing Emma to the teen years. She used to love me so much and now I just bug her all the time. There is quite a bit of eye rolling. It hurts.  I ache for the days when she hugged and kissed me and was my little shadow. I'm afraid of the years ahead when the rest of my babies will follow her lead. I'm a mom and always will be, but the realization that I won't always have them to take care of is sad for me. Is this pathetic? Brent suggests I go back to school or find a life outside of my kids. It's hard because my kids are my life. If I focus my time and energy on something else, that is just time wasted where I could be loving them.

I know what it was like to have a mom gone a lot physically and mentally. While she was a wonderful mom, she wasn't always present. She was in School for years and then started her career and it was hard on the family. I felt forgotten a lot of the time. I was left alone a lot of the time. I probably grew up faster than I should have. I don't want that for my kids and I don't want to miss out on their growing up.

So here is the plan…  More pictures, more affection, more writing, less stress, less obligations. I'm trying to finding me again in this new stage of motherhood.

 6 months late but here are my people

Lucy's Baptism

My beautiful baby girl turned 8 in December and was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints on Saturday January 31, 2015. 

It was an exciting day for her and our family. She picked this dress out from the a few that I had bought to choose from. She liked that it looked like a snow princess dress. It fit her bubbly personality perfectly. 

She has been learning about what it means to be baptized. I try and explain what I can to her and answer questions. But, when it comes down to it,  I'm not sure it sinks in. It's kind of a big topic. The covenant of baptism is something that you learn and live the rest of you life. I understand it better (or differently) now than I did 5 years ago. Living The Gospel is always an ongoing learning experience. Little Lucy Jane is just getting started! My prayer for her is that she never stops learning. I pray she feels at home in the gospel. I pray that if she ever finds herself in a place where the Holy Ghost can't dwell, she will have learned what that feels like and know what she needs to do to get back. 

I love her at this age. I've loved her at every age. I get her. She makes sense to me. She is wonderful and worthy of every single beautiful gift that God has in store for her. Let's see what her life will bring! 

Seizing the Day

You might just wet your office chair right now when you see that I'm blogging again. I just couldn't stay away when the masses  {my mom-in-law} keep begging me to blog again. It really isn't fair of me to keep our lives so private when we have the ability to inspire so many.

So far, this summer has been great!  We're all up at the crack of dawn and making the most of our time. You know, seize the day kind of stuff. It really is my motto. Just ask my kids.

My house is in tip top shape. Some might even call it  immaculate. I love how homey and comfortable it is. Some days, it's hard to leave on account of how relaxed I feel here. I think tranquil is the word I'm looking for.

The kids have been so well behaved. They are getting to the age where they are becoming more self sufficient. So, while I'm busy seizing the day, the girls have been so good to help me out with Henry. They're great to get him snacks and play with him. A couple of little mothers. They're the BEST!

I have big plans for the blog this summer... Feel free to stop in and read up on what keeps us going, what inspires us, and all the adventures that we'll soon have. It's going to be great!

The Birthday Boy

Isn't this the cutest birthday boy ever? My little buddy turned two ion June 10th.  He's got to be the sweetest two year old around. One minute he's running around half naked and crazy the next minute he is giving me cuddles and kisses. Oh I love him! 

 Henry is really into Thomas the Train these days. He'll sit still for about 3 minutes to watch choo choo.  I had really wanted to have a mustache party for him but I thought he'd like this better. Plus, it was easy. I had a fun time making his cake. It took a while but it was worth it.

 At 2 Henry loves:

Playing in his sand box

Choo Choo trains

go-gurts

To go for rides in the car 

His Daddy 

Cup Cakes

The ipad

Plugging in things
Batteries
Sitting in his rocking chair for night time snuggles
Climbing on things
Walter
Walks in his stroller

Seriously... I am in love with his face! I just can't get over how dang cute it is. 

Why the birthday tears? He was sad I wouldn't let him eat his cake in the family room.

It was a perfect day for our family. We love our little buddy so much. Our family wouldn't be complete without him. I am thankful for every single day I have with my little guy.

Isabelle's Baptism Day

Summer Vacation