I'm 40! What the actual EFF?

I've officially been 40 years old for 15 days now. Other than having to worry about getting flabby arms (that was not a thing in my 30s), turning 40 doesn't seem like big deal. In fact, I've been telling people that I'm 40 for about 5 years now. It felt nice to hear people say "What? No way! You don't look a day older than 25!" What can I say? I'm shameless. I think everyone should lie about their age by a few years. It does wonders for the ol' self-esteem. I will start telling everyone I'm 45 now and see how it goes. 

The hardest part about aging, isn't about me getting older. It is hard because my kids are getting older with me. Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love everything about having teenagers, a tween, and an 8 year old boy. Life is so much fun! But I worry that time is running out with them and that is what sucks about getting older. 

So where have I been these last five years? I haven't completely stopped documenting our life. It's just been more on instagram and an occasional facebook post. But I kind of miss old school blogging. I get to tell a longer story this way and it feels more authentic. I am not sure if returning to the blog will last but I figured I'd give it another try. 

Besides my little family growing up, a lot has changed these past years. The kids have by far surpassed my dreams for them and I have been amazed at the goals they have achieved for themselves. 

 Emma will graduate this spring with a 3.9999 GPA (curses to the math teacher who would not give her the half point she needed to be bumped up from an A- to an A). She was awarded an $18,000 scholarship to SUU and I am so excited for her! We found out last night that she has also been accepted into o a jump start program where she will live in Italy for 2 months next spring. I am so proud of the life she has created for herself. She is so artistic, an amazing pianist, she is a literal beauty queen (Miss Lehi's Outstanding Teen 1st attendant 2018), she is so kind, hardworking, and everything in between. I don't even want to think of how much I will miss her when she heads off to college.

 Isabelle's personality continues to outshine everything. She is still that happiest person in the room and is quite hilarious. This girl understands comedy and sarcasm as if she were a mini version of me. She thinks outside the box and even though she pretends to be oblivious... she is a deep thinker. She has remained dedicated to ballet and sacrifices and works so hard at what she loves. Her dreams of the future are to graduate and become a doctor. I don't doubt for a minute she won't succeed in this. She has developed a pattern of working hard to get what she wants.

Lucy was in 3rd grade when she decided she wanted to cheer. I wasn't sure she had what it would take to be on a competition level team but boy was I wrong. She developed a passion for the sport that transformed her into an entirely different person. We spent the last three years traveling and competing, and winning national competitions and making some great memories. This last year, she decided to try something different and started acting.  I had no idea that her passion for theater and singing would far surpass her love for cheer. She is currently rehearsing for 2 plays and has no plans to quit. She is still undecided if she wants to go back to cheer next fall but I will support her in wherever her dreams take her. I have always known this girl was born to be a star! 

Oh my heart! My side kick and eternal snuggle buddy. I realize that at some point it will be entirely inappropriate and weird to snuggle him and sniff his head and kiss his face but until then, I refuse to stop. Henry still asked the most impossible questions and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I suspect one day, great things will come from these questions. Henry has discovered parkour and is moving up quickly in his class. He loves running with his dad in the mountains and loves art. He's a great little artist. This last year, he has developed quite the sense of humor and comes up with the funniest one liners and jokes that make us all laugh. This last fall, he got pretty sick with what we think was pancreatitis. The doctors were concerned he might have cancer but could not tell without a biopsy. It was too risky to do that so we had to wait for about 8 weeks for him to feel better before cancer could be ruled out. To say I was terrified is an understatement. I have never been more scared in my life. He is fine of course but that experience changed me forever. When he was the sickest, he asked if he could have a dog when he got better. I would have promised him anything so I said yes.

 Meet Poppy! Henry's dog. I hate her but I really love her! Walter went to doggy heaven in September  2017. He was 14 years old and he was the best dog. We still miss him and feel the void of his little loyal heart. We are trying to get used to our new puppy. She's no Walter but our love for her is growing. She is a mix of an Old English Sheep dog and a mini poodle. I never thought I'd go for a stupid doodle mix but here we are. She is seriously adorable but so stubborn. We hired a dog trainer to come to the house and work with her. So far she is doing great. I am so excited to have a well trained dog.

Brent and I are coming up on 19 years of marriage. This number is harder for me to grasp than me turning 40. I have loved this man for half my life. He continues to amaze us and support us in everything and anything we dream of doing. For 17 years he has been encouraging me to finish my degree. Last August, after secretly working with Utah State University, I was able to get most all of my credits transferred and was accepted into a program. When I told him the news, he broke down and cried. He knew it was time for me to do something for myself and has been beyond supportive. I've been working hard for the last 6 months and have managed to keep a 4.0. NO ONE is more surprised at this than me. I always joke that I'm the smartest person in the room so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that I'm kicking ass at this intellectual stuff. My goal was to finish in December of this year but, when Henry got sick last fall, I had to drop a couple classes to take care of him.  I'm not if I want to squeeze extra classes into my schedule or just make it up with another semester. It's kind of up in the air right now. Either way, I am really loving what I am doing right now and where life has taken us. Things are so different now than they were just 5 years ago but I am learning to be ok with that. I'm living for now and learning to take deep breaths when the panic sets in.